You may find yourself living in a shotgun shack
And you may find yourself in another part of the world
And you may find yourself behind the wheel of a large automobile
You may find yourself in a beautiful house, with a beautiful wife
You may ask yourself, “Well, how did I get here?”
That’s how I feel about psychic work. It’s a thing I fell into.
You know those towns in supernatural TV shows, the ones haunted by the oojip in the lake or hit on by martians, that kind of thing? I was born in a small town in South England. It had two things to make it special; the first was the presence of the British army, resulting in lots of pubs, lots of boys and lots of fights. The second was that it really did have a vast amount of paranormal stuff going on. The town is close to a battlefield where cavaliers and roundheads once fought, and people claim that on certain nights you can still hear the sounds of ghostly combat.
Yes the town has a castle, yes dark hooded figures are reputed to lurk around it. There’s a spot where a woman was supposed to have been struck down by divine lightning for cheating in the market place, there are ancient creepy alleyways, there’s a church where some saint was reputed to have a duel with the devil. As kids, we played in so many crop circles we thought they were something farmers did to their fields for boring agricultural reasons. I couldn’t tell you if they were those complex patterns photographed now because they were never on the news. My home town had every supernatural cliché you can imagine attached to it. If Sam and Dean Winchester knew about the place they’d sell the Impala and move in permanently.
And get very bored. Cos nothing happened really, and life was dull. I know, I know, but I was just a kid, my family background was unhappy and all I wanted was a fun life with fun friends. I didn’t want spooky stories; you can only go ‘Oooooooh’ for so long. I wanted a bright real tomorrow. Then someone bought me a pack of tarot cards. I would do readings and people told me that the readings came true. And there I was, popular!
Everyone wanted me. Much later, a friend mentioned a TV studio interested in people like me. That‘s where Do Not Lick The Phones starts.
So that’s the true trail of how I got here. My views on psychic abilities and whether they exist are all in the book. I quite enjoy paranormal investigation, but I like it from a neutral point of view; not debunking, not believing, but looking for proof.
You know what? It may be time to pay my home town a visit…