“Do Not Lick the Phones”

With the help of a friend, Britney lands a job as a television psychic on UK channel DayStar TV. With nothing else but her pack of tarot cards she is thrust into the topsy turvy world of media psychics. Britney must navigate her way through a cast of co-workers, callers, and Babes (porn stars) to negotiate her paranormal talents and what it means when they are thrust into the spotlight for £1.50 per minute. Britney Bronte is a pseudonym and much of Do Not Lick the Phones is based on real events.

I wanted to read Do Not Lick the Phones because I had yet to explore the sub genre of supernatural chick lit. As a skeptic, I also liked the idea of a tell-all book about the media psychic industry. Although I found some of Britney’s descriptions and opinions revealing, unfortunately it wasn’t enough for me to enjoy Do Not Lick the Phones.

I had a difficult time locating a plot since Phones is written more like a string of work stories without any particular event driving the story forward. And with a new character introduced on almost every page I was lost in a crowd of names. What I managed to tease out from the never ending cast of crystal readers, porn stars, and managers was that real supernatural abilities or not, if you are contacting a media psychic they can not tell you the truth. The restrictions placed on the psychics about what they could (but more often than not, couldn’t) say revealed the censorship that happens behind the camera and the phone line. All of it is about making money and good business means not upsetting the customer so that they will spend more money.

It is also interesting to note the lousy work conditions, hours, pay, (lack of) benefits and how most of the people on screen for DayStar TV were women. The gender divide between who was on screen (women) and who was in charge (men) is glaring.

Outside of these nuggets of truth I was unable to connect with Britney or any other character and was left confused. I think that Do Not Lick of Phones may have benefited from a diary type set up, denoting shifts in time and setting instead of the chaotic string of detached stories about work situations and co-workers.

Do Not Lick the Phones is an interesting concept and holds some truths about the media psychic industry but was too disjointed for me to enjoy it.

Rating: 1/5

I want to thank Britney Bronte for letting me read and review her book. I also want to thank Samantha of Chick Lit Plus for organizing another great tour! 

You can check out more reviews of Do Not Lick the Phones at Britney Bronte’s page on Chick Lit Plus Blog Tours


Check back on Friday for a guest post by Britney Bronte!


3 thoughts on ““Do Not Lick the Phones”

  1. I love the pseudonym and the concept. I also did not know that supernatural chicklit was a subgenre (I guess I should because of the wealth of vamp novels out there). It would be interesting to see more works based on industries that feature mostly women workers, like psychics, sex work and other such things.

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